Yeah, I started thinking about shit like that. Ten years ago, I realized what kind of song it was. It became part of the culture after Dangerous Minds. I provided the vessel for it to come to Earth, I just had to stand back and let shit happen after that.
And the words are like the animals and fish and the birds and all that and they came through me and all I did was wait for them fucking waves to start rolling. So it was a divine intervention thing on your part. I think back to when I wrote it. I wrote the whole song out without really thinking about it. It gives every person a different feeling. Going back to the Falling In Reverse cover, I understand you filmed a video with them?
Yeah, I had a good time doing that. Who was more fun to work with—Michelle Pfeiffer or Ronnie Radke? She came and shot her part and went back to her trailer. Now, in her defense, I will say that she had just had some twins. Well, Ronnie has a new baby, right? He was chilling. We were in a warehouse, chilling. But also, I have to say that Michelle was much more pleasant to look at than Ronnie. Who has prettier hair? But Ronnie was cool. He had a cool personality, a cool demeanor.
Do you ever still talk to Michelle? Well, no I have not spoken to her… maybe one time since we did the video. I think I saw her once or twice and I think I spoke to her maybe once. You know, that might be a good thing to do—the next Grammys or the next award show, have me and her be presenters. Or have P! What do you like about P! She can do it all. She does what the hell she wants to do.
Know what? If she wanted to, she could fucking learn piano right now. Even at her age, she could be a great pianist, if she wanted to. She could be a seamstress. She could learn how to drive a fucking train and then drive that shit in the video.
She could learn how to build a fucking spaceship, and then build the fucking spaceship and then fly into the sky and film a video from her backyard and shit. Have you ever met P! Yeah, I met P! The clowns created themselves. They did what they did out of spite. And they created a movement despite themselves. Or at least it better be. I am going to use the Secret, like Lou Diamond Phillips does.
How exactly does one visualize something not happening? I am really intensely picturing a press release saying Rachael Vs. Guy has been canceled and that all the Food Network executives responsible for making this show peacefully turned themselves over to local authorities. He tells a charming story about his mom not thinking his food is good, and it makes me like her a lot. Running a weird middleman charity that distributes money to other charities? Leaving three voicemails a week for Justin Timberlake?
I think I missed a call from you? It fits super good. Call me! What a strange, backhanded compliment. He makes something called a fork steak, which is a nice piece of steak braised to death and turned into a pot roast.
Who would want to eat a steak with a spoon? But out of context, imagine how racist that would be! Taylor wants to win. Dayne, the bar is closing. The judges make their decisions and the winners are announced: Lou Diamond Phillips and Coolio will be heading to the finale. It is boring. They make fried rice and matzah ball soup. Joey wins.
Taylor is sad. Her Cambodian children get nothing. I bet they are so confused why she was gone for five days. We miss her. I hope she brings us five thousand dollars. Hour of two of this shitacular begins. Two hours? But I don't like to over-salt things. I usually pour the salt in my hand first, before I sprinkle it, so I don't accidentally oversalt.
What's the best thing you've ever cooked? Man, that's a hard question. Everything I've cooked is the best thing I've ever cooked. How do you keep your brohawk out of the food? Well I don't rub my head in the food.
And I wear my chef's hat! What's next for Chef Coolio? The "Ghetto Gourmet" brand, in a grocery store near you. My tagline will be, "It's like I'm right in your kitchen," or, "It's like I cooked it in yo' oven. Excerpts: So what is Coolio cooking this Thanksgiving? What's your favorite thing to cook? Fried chicken wings and steak. Do you keep your salt in a shaker? I keep it in a dime-bag!
Do you still have your braids? I do, but I got them in a reverse brokawk. What's a reverse brohawk? Well, you'll have to see. Newsweek magazine delivered to your door Unlimited access to Newsweek.
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